through the milk door

As a child I used to climb into our little brick house through the milk door whenever I found myself locked out. I am reminded of this while facing challenges both in writing and creating images that sometimes the most important things come in sideways under our peripheral vision.

Bob is better and after a bit of testing and follow up appointments his diagnosis is that his heart is normal and that this was a very unusual case of viral atrial fibrillation.

I have been a bit behind and running late. Writing is my greatest challenge. But have I been learning what I need to do to write. When I begin to write if I it needs to be formal or academic my thoughts get stuck and I can’t seem to get anything down on paper. I stare at the screen or sheet of paper as though it might appear if I look hard enough. Because of the two papers I have had to prepare for AIB this term I have now found a that doorway through my mental block, personal narrative.

Now my goal is to take my voice and the written word and change that into an academic paper. For the Critical Theory I paper I have attempted this but realize I have much more to do and to incorporate in order for it to be up to the standards of a formal paper.

On my next paper my goals are to make it a critical analysis, to compare and contrast, to extremely limit the use of “I” and bring in more outside sources. I feel like I have made some big steps toward being able to create an academic paper overcoming the overwhelming feeling of a blank page.

I meet with Betsy Schneider today and talked about what was happening with my photographs. I have made some progress with letting go and taking risks with the digital camera. I still justify and explain myself, but the editor in my head is starting to not be quite so loud. I am now looking for the light, what catches my eye, and where the edge or change is in my photographs. I am trying to allow my life, my messes, and what overwhelms me to enter my images and begin to create my images by responding emotionally.

By the end of this week I will also be posting a slideshow of new recent work, my everyday exercise. Betsy suggested that I continue the everyday project, I still have more walls to break down. She also suggested that I make prints that are about 4x6 to physically look at and play with the “best” of what I have captured. So I can become aware of the connections, relationships, and contradictions that may start to come out if the individual photos can be rearranged. I will be going to Michigan the end of this week, shooting both with my digital camera and with the 8x10 hobo. I am looking forward to seeing my family and creating images of and with them.

My project or topic this term will be my familial relationships. This week I will look over my bibliography and artists that I am reviewing to clarify and tighten up my focus. In preparation for my next paper Betsy suggested that I take a look at Nickolas Nixion, Larry Sultan, Emmet Gowin, and Melissa Pinney. Nickolas Nixion and Larry Sultan are someone new to me, I have long admired Emmet Gowins work, and I have a new favorite artist with the addition of Melissa Pinney! The image above is her image, Emma at Ten, Cellar Door, 2005.